theNest

So, on our way home from Sea World we passed a hill that had a giant white cross on the top of it. The four of us were in the Jetta after a long day and Madeline was passed out in the back seat.

Owen – “Look! Look! Do you see that cross on the hill over there. Look quick!”

Garth – “Oh yeah…I see it.”

Karna – “Where? Oh, there it is…”

Owen – “Wait! Is that where they stapled God to the cross?!”

Karna – Laughing hysterically in the passenger seat, unable to reply.

Garth – “People put that there to remind people of what Jesus did.”

Owen – “Oh.”

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

- From St. Patrick’s Breastplate, Stanza 8

I read mostly faith-based books because I need the help and encouragement in my day-to-day life. Last night, I began reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan (click on the Chapter Videos). I had the privilege of hearing Chan speak at Westmont while our family was on sabbatical for 7 months in Santa Barbara – another post in itself. Lukewarm Followers beware: his goal is to get you acting on your faith and you never know where that will take you, especially if it is accompanied by a heart-felt desire to change your life for God.

A brief synopsis of “Crazy Love” in Chan’s words:

“Sometimes I feel like when I make decisions that are remotely biblical, people who call themselves Christians are the first to criticize and say I’m crazy, that I’m taking the Bible too literally, or that I’m not thinking about my family’s well-being…When people gladly sacrifice their time or comfort or home, it is obvious that they trust in the promises of God. Why is it that the story of someone who has actually done what Jesus commands resonates deeply with us, but we then assume we could never do anything so radical or intense? Or why do we call it radical when, to Jesus, it is simply the way it is? The way it should be?”

Chan lives what he preaches because he, his wife, and 4 kids significantly downsized their home and gave away their resources to the poor. It makes me wonder what God is calling our family to do. Hmmm. We’ll see what happens.

Today marks my 1-year anniversary of giving up alcoholic beverages. Now, before you think I am going to harp on people that drink, let me share a few things. I do not believe alcohol in itself is the problem – the key is keeping it in check (moderation) as with other things like money, sex, food, etc. When abused, alcohol does no good to anyone or anything. I also believe it is morally a gray area and I have friends that subscribe anywhere from the temperance movement way of life to the “it’s 5:00 somewhere” philosophy. It is your business wherever you may fall in the spectrum; However, for the benefit of all involved, I hope it is in check. As one who has had one too many in the past I would only ask how your alcohol consumption is working for you, your loved ones, and your faith.

I had somewhat of arrested development when it came to booze consumption. I didn’t drink in high school or college and my first real buzz happened on my honeymoon – fruity Mexican cocktails can take you by surprise. We also know what the goal is when you take a booze-cruise and let’s just say I was very successful! I began drinking wine with meals shortly after Madeline was born. It began as a once a week or twice a month thing. Fast forward 6 years and I had evolved into being the neighborhood evening wine hour coordinator. I was called a lush and it was very rare in the evenings for me not to have a glass of wine in my hand. Red wine was my “stay-at-home-mom” coping vice and by then I had started to drink even before Garth came home from work. I ignored the fact that alcohol and anti-depressants don’t mix and dismissed it because I thought I had it all under control. It also didn’t occur to me that I didn’t have moderation in check because red wine is so widely acceptable as a table beverage. Then I heard a message from the pulpit on January 6th, 2008.

My pastor shared his own reasons for giving up alcohol and it was revealing. He then asked us, “Is there anything similar that is getting in the way of your relationship with God.” I began to cry and realized that alcohol was not only getting in the way of my relationship with God but it was hurting my relationship with my husband, my children, and my friends. I went cold turkey that day and although it was hard at first, the immediate benefits outweighed turning back. I was lucid in the evenings and had much more energy to be with the kids instead of checking out. I lost 7 pounds in the first two months and our monthly grocery bill dropped $100.

Garth still drinks and has never had issues with moderation. He offered to stop drinking with me but I wanted it to be my thing and since he didn’t have a problem I felt it unnecessary for him to stop. His beverage of choice is beer so it is not a temptation for me. I think the most I have been tempted is this winter when I wanted a glass of my favorite Cabernet Franc on a cold evening with a warm plate of Italian pasta. Mmmm. It was also hard on hot hot Summer nights when neighbors opened a chilled bottle of Riesling and passed it around. I ran to the fridge and grabbed a chilled Perrier – it did the trick.

I did not join AA but if I were unable to quit by myself, I would have joined in a heartbeat. When I stopped last January, I planned on it being a 3-month break. When 3 months hit, I extended it to 6 months – and so on up to now. I still have people asking how long I am going to stay on the wagon and for now, it still scares me to even think about having one drink. I know I am prone to overdoing it, so it makes sense to stay away altogether. I would not want to risk going back to the way I was. So, one year down…how many more ahead?

Psalm 130 (From Depths of Woe)

1. From the depths of woe I raise to Thee
The voice of lamentation;
Lord, turn a gracious ear to me
And hear my supplication;
If Thou iniquities dost mark,
Our secret sins and misdeeds dark,

O who shall stand before Thee?
O who shall stand before Thee?

2. To wash away the crimson stain,
Grace, grace alone availeth;
Our works, alas! Are all in vain;
In much the best life faileth;
No man can glory in Thy sight,
All must alike confess Thy might,

And live alone by mercy
And live alone by mercy

3. Therefore my trust is in the Lord,
And not in mine own merit;
On Him my soul shall rest, His word
Upholds my fainting spirit;
His promised mercy is my fort,
My comfort and my sweet support;

I wait for it with patience
I wait for it with patience

4. What though I wait the live-long night,
And ’til the dawn appeareth,
My heart still trusteth in His might;
It doubteth not nor feareth;
Do thus, O ye of Israel’s seed,
Ye of the Spirit born indeed;

And wait ’til God appeareth
And wait ’til God appeareth

5. Though great our sins and sore our woes
His grace much more aboundeth;
His helping love no limit knows,
Our upmost need it soundeth.
Our Shepherd good and true is He,
Who will at last His Israel free

From all their sin and sorrow
From all their sin and sorrow

O who shall stand before Thee?
And live alone by mercy
I wait for it with patience
And wait ’til God appeareth
From all their sin and sorrow

From all our sin and sorrow

From all my sin and sorrow